Friday, February 19, 2010

Vampires, Ear Beads, and New Friends

I have been having a little problem with my left calf lately.  I wouldn't go all crazy-like and call it an injury, just more like a bit of an attention-getter.  Yes I have been icing, compressing, and elevating it.  Yes, I have been stretching, strengthening, and taking ibuprofen.  No, I have not been resting it (la la la la la la fingers plugging ears..I can't hear you).

Rubbing my calf on my foam roller, I thought, man, I just need someone to work on this for a while.  I rarely go to a massage therapist because the ones I have been to haven't really been all that good.  Regardless of past experiences, I thought, well, I will try someone else, this calf really needs work, it shouldn't be too hard for someone to work on it.  Appointment made, I headed south.

At the office, my name was called, and I walked into the designated room.
"Hi.  How are you?" I smiled at her.
"Problem areas?" she asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Yeah, my left-"
"Take off your shoes." She looked me up and down.
I did.
"Your left arch has fallen.  Stick some gauze in your shoe.  Under the arch."
"Uh, OK...I-"
"Turn around."
I did.
"You are out of balance.  You a runner?"
Holy crap.
"Yes, actually, I -"
She sniffs in my direction, "You must not have type A blood then.  Type A blood people just don't run. Especially A+.  Just not in them.  That's why I don't run." Points at herself, "A+ - What is your blood type?"
What? Is this lady a vampire?
"Um, well, A+," I answered.
"Weird." Sniffs again (do I smell?), "You shouldn't run." She answered.  She told me to get undressed and under the sheet, turned on her heel, and left.

Blood type? Is she serious?

The massage was OK, face down and drooling, I was itching for her to get to that calf. She finally gets there, and yelps, "OH! That is just ugly!" She pokes it with her finger, grabs my other calf. "Oh my, this could really used some work.  I have an idea.  I just took a class from this man from Peru, I want to try something new on you."  I hear her shuffling around.

I must digress here to state that if anyone, ever says something along the lines of "I learned this new thing and I want to try it on you" be scared. Be very scared.  If I wasn't mostly naked on a massage table with a vampire masseuse I would have been out the door in a flash.

I managed a few mumbles of protest before a purple fitness ball and two small New Balance sneakers came into view.
"This is going to be awesome."  She grabs my ear.  Paper rustling. Book pages turning.
"Do you feel that?"
"I feel you pinching my ear."
"Oh yes, good.  Now, how does this feel?"
"Like you are pinching harder."
"Yes, very good! Do you feel pressure?"
"I guess.  Hey, can you work on my calf?"
"Oh I am! This is wonderful, does this feel different?"
"OW! It hurts."
"GOOD.  That is great.  Let that pressure out."
This goes on for the last 10 minutes of my allocated hour before she stops and goes back to my calf.
"OH MY GOD!" she exclaims, poking my calf with her finger, "this looks so much better!  You must be so excited!"
"Uh, well, actually, I was hoping you would work on that a bit."
"I did work on it, for 10 minutes! I used ear beads and even left some taped to your ears so you could massage your calf yourself!"
"By rubbing my ears?"
"YES! Isn't it wonderful?"

As I write this, I am rolling my calf on my foam roller, for a little self massage.  I found 2XU compression really seems to help, and my run today, although slow, was less painful than the last one, so I think I am on the mend.

And one last, but very awesome thing. I want to give a shout out to Laura, a mom, marathoner, and triathlete who basically has the same race schedule as me for 2010, including Timberman HIM!  This is one speedy lady who just PR'd in the Miami marathon on 1/31/10.  We are talking about meeting up for a bike ride this summer, so that would be awesome.  She may change her mind after reading my blogs, given how I attract strange things.  Like vampire massage therapists who stick beads in your ears.  So happy to be connected Laura!


Ron said...

WOW....that is the worst thing I have heard in a long time!! You shouldn't run because of your blood type? THAT IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. Just because she used that as an excuse doesnt mean you should. Ever try PT?

Jon said...

Well I guess I had better quit and sell off all of my bikes, because I am blood type A+! Boy, is the triathlon economy gonna suffer with me gone! haha!

Like what Ron said, find a licensed and certified physical therapist masseuse. I had really tight right quad muscles that were causing knee pain. My PT beat the $hit outa my quads and now I have no more knee pain.

Unknown said...

I'm A-.... guess I get to run a little bc I have the negative. :) She's just jealous that she doesn't get off her lazy butt and toss her A+ excuse aside!!!!

Good luck w/ the leg... I won't offer any of the 'normal' advice. haha

Glad we hooked up and we'll definitely ride together this spring/summer!

Caratunk Girl said...

Yeah, I thought it was kind of weird too, the thing about blood type - I was just like, WHAT??? That makes no sense. I just laughed it off...Just demonstrates who I was dealing with I guess. I have to travel a ways to get a PT, might be worth it though. Thanks all!

Tri Sam said...

I'm sorry about your calf. As a semi-annual calf strain sufferer, I feel your pain. However, I loved the story. Thanks for sharing. You have a gift...well, and a pain in the calf.

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